why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
