i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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