I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
