Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
