If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
