This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
