Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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