U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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