Your dad touched me again.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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