So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
