she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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