i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
