Cold hands, warm shart.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
