Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
