3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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