I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
