Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
