You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Randomize
