I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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