Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
