but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
