Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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