is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
