She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
