Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I am morally bankrupt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
