It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
