his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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