Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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