The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
