my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
