; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
