it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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