He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
