I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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