U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
