Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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