I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
