my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
