he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
did you just send me my own nude
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
