Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
