I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
