Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
