I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
