You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
