my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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