Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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