What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Alive.
So much puke
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
