I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
