I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
