I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
