The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
