I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
