Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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