I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
