Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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